What a difference a year makes in the search for the ultimate Christmas playlist. Once upon a time this list meant spending weeks in the holiday bins at Barnes & Noble. Later, the hours were spent filing through windows of mp3s at Amazon.com and iTunes. But in 2015, with a huge shoutout of Christmas thanks to Hayley Briner for introducing him to Spotify, this year’s research was able to be conducted where this critic spends the bulk of his time—stuck in the car. After sifting through a record low amount of new releases, and revisiting (on the verge of depleting) the strongest leftovers of the past, against the odds this year, the annual playlist is, although very late, complete. But while the last few years have turned out a vast variety of entries and have given birth to some of the best playlists since the inaugural CD, this year felt like Christmas in Whoville, without boxes and bags, or apparently good new Christmas musics. Contenders this year were minimal to none and boiled to a handful and a retread. Hence this year’s report will be significantly briefer than before because there literally were only about a half dozen actual releases to be considered.
First again: the criteria. (Regular readers can skip this paragraph. The rules will never change.) In this analysis, points are awarded more (at the risk of sounding like an ineffective fourth American Idol judge) for taking a particular selection of music and making it not only entertaining and fresh, but showing the artist one is famous for being in the interpretation–within the boundaries of the material. In other words, we do not want to hear your bluesy, jazz-infused “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” any more than we want to hear your punk rock “O Holy Night”. Also, while new original breakout singles are encouraged, the CD should be heavy on standards and classics. Plus one mandatory restriction: under no circumstance may your CD contain a cover of “Christmas Shoes”. That is grounds not only for disqualification, but for permanent banning from all future lists. Now the results…
MOST DISAPPOINTING CHRISTMAS CD 2014
Let it be made clear that this designation is not synonymous with being a bad CD, just falling painfully shy of expectations. For example, past winners have included Wynonna’s beautiful Classic Christmas, which displayed a gorgeous new soft side of her voice with full symphony accompaniment on beautiful standards and hymns. But honestly, Wynonna, when one envisions you, one doesn’t think restraint. Perhaps just one big growling and wailing version of “Blue Christmas” would have salvaged the album. On the other hand, they can be genuinely dreadful. 2010’s winner was Mariah Carey’s cheesily titled Merry Christmas II You, her lackluster, self-gratuitous, faux ghetto follow-up to her 1994 Merry Christmas, strangely one of the most perfect holiday albums ever recorded. 2012’s anti-champion, the long awaited double CD from the Very Special Christmas franchise, holds the distinction of being possibly the most disappointing (and, in this case, dreadful) album ever, and last year’s loser a hideously misconcieved somber Christmas dirge by fallen country angel LeAnn Rimes.
Honestly I really wanted to throw in the effort and call the entire batch of 2015 releases the most disappointing CD of the season just from lack of compeition. It was tempting to give reigning anti-champion LeAnn Rimes the award two years in a row for her new release Today is Christmas, a gutsy move on the heels of last year’s debacle. But objectively, she did correct virtually everything she was penalized for in last year’s dour offering. The title song, despite some lazy songwriting and repetitive lyrics, is upbeat, on the border of slightly infectious even. Original tune I Still Believe in Santa Claus also harkens the old classic honky tonk angels and is true to Rimes’ roots. Her only real misfire, sadly, is the rarely recorded Jerry Herman classic “We Need a Little Christmas” from the musical Mame. Despite the song being an optimistic approach about embracing the holiday to chase away all the low times the heroine is experiencing, Rimes chooses to sing it at face value, a dull, slow, self-pitying dirge that would have fit in perfectly with last year’s cycle. But overall, she’s in better voice, apparently took her Welbutrin, hired an additional guitar player, and turned out a full 12 song album instead of the (thankfully) abbreviated disaster from 2014. (Grade: C+)
Another contender was Kenny Rogers’ first offering in decades, Once Again it’s Christmas, but the distinction is, as specified, based on expectations. Who besides your grandmother had any real expectations of Kenny Rogers? It’s bland country Christmas fare, without the charm of Dolly Parton this time. The only track that stood a chance at playlist inclusion was “Children Go Where I Send Thee”, due solely to the wise use of the smooth sounds of Home Free to back him up and stylize the number for him. Even then, the track only takes off when they finally, 3 plus minutes in, push the old guy aside and take over. (Grade C)
Brian Setzer’s Rockabilly Rudolph, his 6th holiday entry with his rocking orchestra, was likewise under consideration, not because it was bad but because there’s a distinct possibility that he has really just released the same album six times under six different titles. Originally a fresh addition to the holiday landscape, a decade later it seems there are only so many variations one can put on the rockabilly/big band sound. A single grade half step was added for being the only CD to provide any recording of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, the requisite title track for the playlist. Not the best, and not even the best from Seltzer, but the effort did not go unappreciated. (Grade B-)
There was also a new album from 2009 third rate American Idol also-ran Danny Gokey, Christmas is Here. Hoping for maybe a mock wannabe blue eyed soul version of something, all the album does was remind us that not only wasn’t he an Adam Lambert or even a Kris Allen, but why we’ve not heard from him in the last 6 years. (Grade: not even on the letter scale, just—barely—a Pass. Irrelevant)
But there was one obvious choice. 2015 MOST DISAPPOINTING CD is easily awarded to the Braxton Family’s Braxton Family Christmas. (Side note, ladies, it’s a little inappropriate, and by in appropriate I mean totally trashy, to use the words “Family Christmas” when your cover photo features five women with low brow aspirations of reality TV stardom sharing an oversized piece of wrapping paper as a mutual dress.) Matriarch Toni Braxton had a decade of so or relevant pop success in the 90s, so there was potential for something fun here. But exactly like Mary J. Blige’s snooze of an entry in 2013, they copped out for an uninspired, repetitive album full of lazy R&B ballad versions of everything. Again, one good salute to the infectious Christmas cheer of predecessors Darlene Love, the Pointer Sisters, or the Ronnettes could have made this a contender for best CD. But the festivity here is as bare as these second rate, poor man’s Kardashians are under their green wrapping paper. (Grade: D)
THE CONTENDERS
While pop artists usually have the edge, there really is no pat formula for a winner. Past recipients have included acts as varied as pop entries like CeeLo Green and Leona Lewis, to completely reverent, almost classical fare from Josh Groban and David Archuleta. But the sad fact is this year, there were fewer entries than ever, and no real top names.
Australian dance diva Kylie Minogue released Kylie Christmas, which is actually a decent effort. She provides a nice variety of standards like “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and her previously released single of a super slinky “Santa Baby” as well as fun originals “Christmas Isn’t Christmas ‘Til You Get Here” and “White December.” But the trouble is simply that she suffers from comparison. Much like Pentatonix has forever changed the face of the potential of a capella, 2013’s superior twin platinum grade releases by Kelly Clarkson and Leona Lewis permanently upped the bar for pop princesses forever. Minogue releases an amiable album that unfortunately appears merely adequate by this new standard. (Grade: A-)
The best new contender is reliable Christian rock band MercyMe, who released their second Christmas collection, It’s Christmas!, and it’s as solid as their debut The Christmas Sessions. Standouts include infectious original tracks Christmastime Again and Hold on Christmas, but there are also interesting efforts like a folk gospel version of “Go Tell It On the Mountain” and an odd but intriguing 6/8 arrangement of “Sleigh Ride”. Sessions has been a staple of the last few playlists, and It’s Christmas! is a very worthy sophomore follow up. In one interpretation of the rules of the competition, they would be the clear 2015 winner. (Grade: A)
BEST OVERALL CD
But this year’s contest provoked an ethical dilemma. Former Sing Off champions and darlings of this list Pentatonix repeated their 2013 act, releasing an expanded version of the former year’s CD as a Deluxe Edition. Adding five tracks to last year’s superior That’s Christmas to Me just deepens the experience. They have been garnering universal praise here for the four last years, and they continue to transcend the limits of traditional a capella singing with this year’s That’s Christmas to Me: Deluxe Edition. While there is really nothing new in their approach, they continue in the direction of expanding the very definition and boundaries of a capella. The five new tracks maintain their standard quality, including glorious versions of “Joy to the World” and “The First Noel”, a hipster take on “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”, and a remastered version of last year’s single “Mary Did You Know?” adding accompaniment by a string combo. Then there’s the rare questionable decision, “Just for Now”, a song about kicking each other under the table, telling each other to shut up, and breaking up (presumably around the holidays, because why on earth otherwise is it here?). The perfect example of the triumph of sheer talent over a dreadful song. (Grade: A)
The dilemma is, should this qualify since it is only an expanded version of a previously released album? On one side, this is an extremely thin year, and precedent has allowed consideration for their previous expansion, 2013’s PTXmas: Deluxe Edition. If you add to a great CD by making it greater, then it probably should merit eligibility, even if the title may come with an asterisk. On the other hand, MercyMe has offered a worthy competitor, and because of their limited exposure, deserves credit when they are at the top of the field in a premiere effort in what could be their only chance to win.
But considering that Pentatonix and MercyMe, both the little groups that could, are plugging by on minute budgets that inhibit their studio time and publicity exposure respectively, yet both are producing work superior to the majority of the big studio backed artists, it is reasonable to allow them a concession this year to crown them in an administrative tie as co-champions, thus avoiding the controversial asterisk. Thus Pentatonix’s That’s Christmas to Me:Deluxe Edition is the Best Overall CD allowing for improved previoiusly released material. MercyMe’s It’s Christmas! Is the Best Overall totally new CD.
Now, as far as the resulting playlist, this year’s list was pretty straightforward with the limited number of new releases available. Fortunately there were plenty of reserves from the last two years exceptionally strong fields from which to draw, but that well was pretty much depleted in order to fill out this list. Because of this, I would like to issue an open ended Christmas wish to Michael Bublé, David Archuleta, Home Free, Cher, Adam Lambert, One Direction, and maybe even a Hanson reunion: All I want for Christmas (2016) is a slew of new Christmas albums from you guys. I desperately need new material with a great variety of character. With all these modifiers in mind, I give you Mark’s Christmas Playlist 2014 (in order to be played, not by merit):
ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE 2015
1. CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN (MercyMe)--the fun-loving Christian band that’s like the Beach Boys meets Rascal Flatts with a most infectious song that’s half “Fun Fun Fun” and half “Give Me No Lines and Keep Your Hands To Yourself” all wrapped up in a Christmas bow.
2. SANTA TELL ME (Araina Grande)–the little girl with the big voice dropped this last season after a strong playlist was already published. Thank goodness because every possible entry was appreciated this year. And yes, in the meantime she had a rough 2015 with her half-Miley donut licking foolishness. But unlike her contemporaries when they melt down, she at least apologized for her abysmal behavior, so in the spirit of Christmas, here’s her one time pardon.
3. WHITE DECEMBER (Kylie Minogue)--the best original cut from the Australian dance queen’s new offering
4. JOY TO THE WORLD (Pentatonix)--one of the new 2015 Deluxe cuts displaying what PTX does best. The a capella group that would blow you away if they showed up at your door caroling.
5. SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN (The Band Perry)–the sibling band from Alabama has fun putting a slight country spin on the old Jackson 5 arrangement.
6. FULL OF CHEER (Home Free)--the perfect reminder why these boys were a so close second place last year with this fun title cut showing them at their best: superior tenor Austin Brown on smooth lead vocals, fun, playful backups, and an ornery twist after they set you up with the intro and the cover photo. The a capella group you’d most like to party with on Christmas Eve.
7. WINTER WONDERLAND (Leona Lewis)--this is how strong Lewis’ 2013 winner was that she’s still dropping great arrangements like this fun Ronnettes update 3 playlists later, and we’re still not completely picked over. A little Phil Spector goes a long way.
8. PLEASE COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (CeeLo Green)--a great arrangement on it’s own of the Eagles classic, but it’s even better if you picture it as the dude who was singing “F* You” all last summer now showing a little holiday remorse.
9. ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE (the Brian Setzer Orchestra)--not the best version of the song from not the best of Setzer’s Christmas albums, but the best version available this year, and as the title, it’s the one song that’s always required.
10. HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS (MercyMe)–again, more holiday fare from the Christian band that just haves fun with the holidays.
11. CHRISTMAS ISN’T CHRISTMAS TILL YOU GET HERE (Kylie Minogue)–wasn’t crazy about another new pop song, but the list was thin and it was catchy enough.
12. TEXT ME MERRY CHRISTMAS (Kristen Bell & Straight No Chaser)--another late entry from last year after publication, everyone’s favorite girlfriend with everyone’s favorite frat boy a capella group in a fun song that is totally 2015.
13. BLUE CHRISTMAS (Kelly Clarkson)--the new millennium pop icon goes full on 50s honky tonk angel in her take on the Elvis classic.
14. AWAY IN A MANGER (Cast of Glee)–yeah, it’s kind of past its relevance, and yeah, it’s from the bad last album, but it’s one of the more fully fleshed out arrangements they’ve done in the last several Christmas CDs. And did I mention how I had nothing from which to draw this year?
15. THE FIRST NOEL (Pentatonix)–again, let “Pentatonix” be the justification for all future appearances.
16. O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL (Darius Rucker)--Hootie’s in fine form on this hymn
17. DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? (Idina Menzel)--not Whitney or Vanessa, but still a nice arrangement from last year’s winner arranged well for her voice.
18. ANGELS FROM THE REALMS OF GLORY (Peter Hollens, David Archuleta, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir)–please, Annie Lennox, tell me why the title “Angels We Have Heard on High” that we’ve used for over 400 years is suddenly not good enough anymore? But Youtube star Hollens teams up with former Idol runner up Archuleta (sorely missed from this playlist since his 2009 album was depleted here over the years), so welcome back, David, and thanks for introducing us to the multi-talented Hollens..
19. WHITE CHRISTMAS (Leona Lewis)–yet another great Darlene Love cover, her unprecedented SIXTH cut (and there are still plenty to use later) from her same 2013 awesome CD, proving why it was easily one of the best ever recorded.
20. SILENT NIGHT (Home Free)--the flip side of what the boys can do, especially when Brown changes keys and takes the song home.
21. O HOLY NIGHT (Peter Hollens)--Hollens can thank Archuleta for introducing him to the list, which lead me to this beautiful ONE MAN arrangement where he secured his own spot. Not crazy about the dissonant opening chords, but when he resolves everything and finishes big it’s quite an accomplishment.
22. THAT’S CHRISTMAS TO ME (Pentatonix)–title track from this year’s winner for a smooth, comforting finish
(All selections except “Angels From the Realms of Glory” available for preview or purchase at Amazon.com and iTunes. “Angels From the Realms of Glory” is available on Peter Hollens’ website, link available through his YouTube channel)