The holidays seem to come faster each year, and with Thanksgiving being late, the annual holiday playlist took on some urgency, especially with the void of entries this year. It almost became an anniversary year, except next year will be the twentieth anniversary of this list. Where did that time go?
There were so few entries, really only a handful of ones to consider, a few expanded Deluxe Editions that I have come to count on, and some strong entries from the last few years to double or triple dip from. For the first time ever, just over half the entries, only 11 out of 21, are from this season’s CDs. But something fell together in the last few days.
The recipe for the perfect Playlist is a now a time-tested standard: select a generous helping of the best of this season, add a handful of leftovers that didn’t fit past lists, a pinch or two of current topical salutes, and a touch of the occasional novelty number, all resulting in this effort of love to my friends and followers for the holiday season.
First again: the criteria. [Regular readers can skip this paragraph, but there are new additions at the end. The basic rules will never change.] In this analysis, points are awarded more for taking a particular selection of music and making it not only entertaining and fresh, but showing the artist one is famous for being in the interpretation–within the boundaries of the material. Also, while new original breakout singles are encouraged, the CD should be heavy on standards and classics. Plus the one you all know: under no circumstance may your CD contain a cover of “Christmas Shoes”. That is grounds not only for disqualification, but for permanent banning from all future lists. The additional rule from last year—avoid “All I Want for Christmas is You” because it’s just got too much Mariah stank all over it and the crazy heifer just won’t go away. She’s finally soured me on one of my contemporary favorites. Yours has to be really good to overcome all that.
I think after almost twenty years I can also put a moratorium on songs that have managed to pluck my last nerve, such as the dreadful Paul McCartney “Wonderful Christmastime” (it doesn’t sound so wonderful) or Wham’s monotonously annoying “Last Christmas” (he left you last Christmas, get over it). There will be others. Now the results…
Idina Menzel, Christmas: A Season of Love. Her second release following 2014’s Holiday Wishes, Menzel is her usual erratic self in both selections and vocals. She scores better when her big band is intact on selections like “Sleigh Ride”, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, and the underappreciated “We Need a Little Christmas” (even if she does sloppily scoop up to the same note four times in the same bar several times). The best track by far is her salute to the Ronnettes/Darlene Love classic mash-up of “Winter Wonderland” and “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home), but everyone knows that the best way to camouflage a weak voice is by backing it up with a gospel choir or Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound (ask Mariah Carey, she’s coasted of that cheap trick her whole life fooling everyone). She loses points though for less effective tracks like Vince Guaraldi’s “Christmastime is Here” (a song that literally no one except the Charlie Brown gang should ever ever sing) and a cheap pandering to her Renthead fans with the show’s iconic theme song “Seasons of Love”. Again, great title that sure sounds like a holiday song, but we all know is really about all your friends dying from AIDS. On the whole a pleasant collection of holiday classics with a Latin flavored Hanukkah song thrown in for good measure. Not the strongest offering of the season, but Menzel has two solid generations of obsessive fans and the Rentheads, Elphaba’s Minions, and Elsa’s Snowflakes will clamor for it.
Grade: A-
John Legend, A Legendary Christmas, Deluxe Edition. Legend put out a solid effort last season, lending his velvet voice to a retro album with a unique twist. Instead of taking the standard roads of going Time Warner classic, big band, or 60s pop as most do, he compiled a clever salute to the classic 70s R&B sound (even nabbing Stevie Wonder to duo with him on his iconic “What Christmas Means to Me”). A salute to a classic Andy Williams album of the day, he held true to the format with not only the album cover graphics but included the perfunctory cheesy TV special He re-released the collection this year with the addition of five new tracks, featuring a clever rebuttal to the “Baby It’s Cold Outside” nonsense with powerhouse Kelly Clarkson and a swinging “Christmas in New Orleans” that sounds like it could have been written by Randy Newman for an unplanned Disney’s The Princess & the Frog Christmas sequel. His additions even strengthen the collection, diluting the occasional misfire like a misguided 70s Shaft-ian “Silver Bells”. Legend definitely made a good thing better.
Grade: A
SIDEBAR: As I said, the way Legend’s update of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” appeared, as they picked up on the one single line that looked maddeningly pro rectifying the unfounded sexual harassment charges , was that it was a lame #MeToo attempt to pander to the offended women. But upon listening to it in this album, it is in fact addressing everything I have always said to defend this song. 1) Nobody is raping anybody. 2) No one is sexually harassing anybody. And most importantly, 3) THERE IS NOTHING IN THAT DRINK!
I have always maintained that the guy is only inviting her, and she intends to stay, like it or not. Why else does every woman who’s ever sung the line vamp it up like she’s Ann-Margret swimming around in bake beans? But written in the chaste Truman/Eisenhower era, she has to justify her lust by blaming it on a strong drink (not a roofie for heaven’s sake) only so that her mother, father, brother, auntie, all the nosy neighbors, and everyone else she’s so worried about won’t think she’s a slut. Hence all the weak protests (she never says no, she says she ought to say no). Legend cleverly keeps Clarkson’s line virtually intact while changing his response to basically “Alright”. Here’s an abbreviated transcript of the new version:
HER: I really can’t stay
HIM: Baby it’s cold outside
HER: I got to go ‘way
HIM: Let me call you a ride
HER: This evening has been so very nice
HIM: You’re driver’s name’s Murray
HER: I really should go
HIM: It’s cool, so go
HER: I ought to say no
HIM: Why you still talking? I thought you left?
HER: My parents will start to worry
HIM: You’re a grown assed woman but whatever
HER: My brother will be walking the floor
HIM: Ain’t you left yet?
HER: I really should start to scurry
HIM: You said that already
HER: Maybe just a half a drink more [note: her choice]
HIM: Girl, get your drunk ass in that car. Murray’s waiting.
Cut to the chase, she continues to play hard to get like she has forever (honestly, ladies, the dumbest thing you ever invented to catch a man; can we all agree you just stop it in this age?), he doesn’t play into her nonsense, and guess how it ends? She sends the Uber home and stays the night like she intended to the entire time! End of story. We will have no more of this raping, molesting, harassing, drugging up foolishness and leave these two alone, like they both want to be. Closure. Now back to the wrap-up…
Pentatonix, The Best of Pentatonix Christmas. The reigning royal family of á capella trots out a retread of all six of their previous Christmas albums (three releases and three re-released deluxe versions) and they are showing their age. Once the leader of á capella forefront, they suffered a massive loss when über-bass Avi Kaplan retired, and this offering only makes them look more ordinary than ever and out for the cash grab. The only worthy added track is a dubious remake borrowing Whitney Houston’s vocal track from her Very Special Christmas classic “Do You Hear What I Hear” and replacing the backup tracks with their own variation. Kind of a cheap trick created by competition Straight No Chaser, Pentatonix was once above such lowgrade, amateur shenanigans. There’s absolutely nothing here they haven’t done better before in the more abbreviated albums, and this ranks as the laziest release of the year.
Grade: all the previous alone, B+ to A; this mess of best of: C-)
Lea Michele, Christmas in the City. The former queen of New Directions strikes up a big band and turns in a very pleasant collection of standards. Say what you like about Michele and her similarities to Glee personal Rachel Berry, the one thing you can never take away from her is her voice, and she’s in fine form even if she plays it safe in selections and arrangements. But, honestly, that’s what most folks want at Christmas. She swings “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, is reverent on the hymns like “Silent Night”, and even improves on “O Holy Night” from her first take ten years ago on the first Glee Christmas album. She excels best though when pairing up with her flawless selection of collaborators on duets. She and Spring Awakening costar Jonathan Groff are delightful on a Hawaiian-inspired “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”, Glee standout Darren Criss lends his velvet voice to “White Christmas” (if Josh Groban is the new Bing Crosby and Michael Bublé is the new Andy Williams, Criss is at least the contemporary equivalent of Mel Torme; which raises an issue—where’s your Christmas CD, sir?), and Broadway powerhouse Cynthia Erivo joins her, both tempering their disparate voices to meet halfway in a beautiful “Angels We Have Heard on High”. She even manages to sell “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” from Frozen, a song written for little girls, without being cloying. A little more variety in style might have been welcome, as we know Michele can do it, but in a slow year, this is a very welcome entry.
Grade: A
TobyMac, Light of Christmas. The hip hop Christian artist turns in a surprisingly solid contemporary album. The original tracks are the standouts, mostly because the stylistic hybrid doesn’t fare well when he inserts rap segments into hymns, derailing otherwise interesting arrangements of “The First Noel” and “O Come All Ye Faithful”. But bonus points for staying true to his artistic style and overall making it interesting.
Grade B+
Ana Gasteyer, Sugar and Booze. Former SNL vet Gasteyer with screen (Mean Girls) and stage credits (Elphaba in Wicked) turns in an unexpected offbeat blend of holiday standards and comedy. But not only does she excel with a hilarious selection of original tongue-in-cheek selections like “Secret Santa”, a duet with former SNL comic chanteuse Maya Rudolph, and the title song, an ode to the real joys of grown-up Christmas. Not high budget, the accompaniment sounds more like a supper club combo than the others’ big bands, but Gasteyer’s voice is strong and versatile. swinging the standards as well as selling the comic pieces. Bonus is the addition of the song Pasek & Paul (Dear Even Hansen, The Greatest Showman) added for her in their 2016 live TV version of A Christmas Story, “In the Market for a Miracle”, a lesson on the joys of Hanukkah.
Grade: A-
John Barrowman, A Fabulous Christmas. An 11:00 drop from the British stage (Sunset Boulevard, Putting It Together) and screen (Dr. Who, Torchwood, The Arrow) heartthrob adds a little last-minute variety to the mix. Barrowman has a legitimate voice but sounds a little thin when pulling back to croon, faring significantly better when showing off his power on the more traditional songs like “O Holy Night” and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. The single liability is when Barrowman, who has made a second career out of being professionally out on Instagram, forces the gay humor that smacks of overkill, like the odd duet “I Saw Mommy” with Emily Atack, wherein the twist is they both call each other out as catching each kissing Santa Claus (Santa, you tramp!), or the finale “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” with so many over-the-top “fabulous!!” ad libs that it could have been written by Paul Lynde and Liberace. But overall, it’s a solid addition to add into the slow year.
Grade: A-
Then there’s the two albums nobody ever asked for: Chicago’s fourth Christmas Album (in the vein of their regular releases Chicago I through MCLXXVI), the very originally titled, Chicago Christmas 2019,and the Oak Ridge Boys’ Down Home Christmas. The 80+ year old “Boys” have lost all their sound including a sadly weak bass by the former definitive Richard Sterban, and although the signature brass is still there, Chicago without Peter Cetera has always sounded like the copy guy singing Chicago karaoke at the office Christmas party. These aren’t even worth grading. Next.
And then there’s Maude….the last drop of the year is the one to either make your day or make your head explode, depending on your perspective, a disaster of Irwin Allen proportions. This year is the 25th anniversary of the grandmother of all contemporary Christmas CDs, Mariah Carey’s classic Merry Christmas CD that introduced the last major contribution to our modern Christmas canon, “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. She soiled that accomplishment in 2010 with the psychotic faux-ghetto sequel, Merry Christmas II You. But that was not enough. For the 25th Anniversary, the Ghost of Christmas Crazy has aimed for the stars and re-released her original landmark album in an utterly unnecessary “Deluxe Anniversary Edition”, and it is the absolute trainwreck we have since come to hope for from her after the Rockafeller Center vocal disaster and the infamous “They Said There’d Be Hot Tea Up in Here” Rockin’ New Year’s Eve debacle where she stopped singing and made her befuddled backup dancers carry her around Times Square. The new double CD event (‘cuz we can’t get just a little dose of her crazy, we have to supersize it) includes the original CD and a “bonus” CD which features the entire first CD recorded live at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in New York concert of 2010 (where she was 15 months pregnant with her twins but insisted on wearing her pelvis-high Santa babydoll dress), three other variations on “All I Want for Christmas”, and two separate recordings of “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies” from The Nutcracker Suite, which allegedly shows off her “range” but sounds like she’s testing her failing smoke alarm while listening to Tchaikovsky. At least she does not disappoint. Here’s to finishing the rest of the holiday season with a slew of great memes and gifs. #IToldYouThatBitchCrazy
Grade: a Resounding F for ruining Christmas and the only good thing she ever did.
MOST DISAPPOINTING CD 2019
This one was settled. Pentatonix had a runaway lock in this one with their lazy repackaging of everything they ever recorded. But then Mimi grabbed her hot tea and faster than you can say “Hero to Zero”, undid everything she had ever accomplished, losing every ounce of her Christmas cred by finishing the job she started that fateful New Years Eve. First husband, mogul and manager Tommy Motolla appeared controlling and abusive but was a marketing genius. He knew that she couldn’t really sing and added the dozen gospel choirs to everything. He understood even better that he couldn’t let her talk or else the crazy would just pour out. We haven’t been able to put her back in her box since. Actually this CD really deserves a listen to see just how epicly bad it is. It is an epic, once in a lifetime fail. If only for the Sugarplum Fairies…..
BEST CD 2019
Again an easy call. John Legend improved last year’s strong entry and packed an unheard of eighteen tracks into his A Legendary Christmas Deluxe Edition. Most land well acoustically and play into his artistry. He gives us a nice variety, a little bit Johnny Mathis, a little bit Stevie Wonder, a little bit Donnie Hathaway. A competitor last year, his upgrade album is the best of the season.
But as rules have it, when a previously released album is named Best CD, the best of the new albums also receive recognition, and Lea Michele leaves no doubt that her Christmas in the City is the easy victor. She’s in fine voice with great selections, and her only crime was choosing to stay a little vanilla in her arrangements. But, hey, after wiping Carey’s 25th Anniversary slop off the floor, vanilla can be the flavor of choice.
So after all the effort and tedious analysis, I give you Mark’s Christmas Playlist 2019 (in order to be played, not by merit):
ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE 2019
(AND, for those followers who used to search the music of interest out after reading in the past, follow me on Spotify, and you can hear it all on playlist “Christmas 19”. I’m attempting to put past playlists together over the holidays.)
1) WINTER WONDERLAND / CHRISTMAS (BABY PLEASE COME HOME) (Idina Menzel)—There’s no better way to kick things off than a great Darlene Love inspired 60s mash-up. Plus The Wall of Sound suits her style and masks her imperfections.
2) SANTA’S COMING FOR US (Sia)—This cut from her all-original 2017 offering ended up being the one to get radio play.
3) DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR (Pentatonix with Whitney Houston)—The lead line was perfect. It’s a cheap trick to milk Houston’s legacy but it works.
4) SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN (Levi Kreis)—More honky tonk piano fun from last year’s winner
5) BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE (Kelly Clarkson & John Legend)—I had no intention on promoting what they presented as the #MeToo rebuttal, but it’s actually vindication for my issue with the crap the song is receiving, so see above. #ThereWasNothingInTheDrink
6) MAN WITH THE BAG (Jessie J)—an extra cut from last year’s powerhouse contender.
7) ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE (Lea Michele)—I wish the arrangement was a little more rock and pop, but she leans into it as it goes along, and it was the only new release on any album for the theme song of the list.
8) O LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM (98˚)—The Brothers Lachey do a nice take on the hymn from 2017’s Let It Snow.
9) PLEASE COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (John Legend)—Would have used this cut last year but Legend had reached the limit and 98˚ had an almost as good version from the year before.
10) HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS (David Archuleta)—Last year was the solemn, this year the more playful track. Archuleta is that versatile.
11) I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (Jonathan Groff & Lea Michele)—Michele and Groff hit fame together in the Tony winning Spring Awakening and they have great chemistry in this gentle, hula-influenced arrangement.
12) MARY’S BOY CHILD (Toby Mac & Jamie Grace)—No rapping, all engaging reggae.
13) RUN RUN RUDOLPH (Levi Kreis)—More jump jiving fun from the Tony winner showing off his best Jerry Lee Lewis moves.
14) IN THE MARKET FOR A MIRACLE (Ana Gasteyer)—History made, the first Hanukkah song to break into the list. Gasteyer included a new lounge swinging version of this Pasek & Paul song written for her in A Christmas Story, but I opted for this cut from the 2016 TV soundtrack because it’s a little more upbeat fun with additional comic lyrics cut from the remake.
15) WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS (Idina Menzel)—I love this underperformed song from the musical Mame. No one ever records it and all I ask is a decent arrangement for the list. Menzel complies here.
16) ROCKIN’ AROUND THE POLE (the Hot Elves)—Having revisited Tina Fey’s hilarious hit Broadway version of Mean Girls this year, I felt compelled to include the Hot Elves (a/k/a the Plastics , Cady (Erika Henningsen), Gretchen (Ashley Park), Karen (Kate Rockwell), and Queen Bee Regina George (Taylor Louderman) singing this original song used in place of “Jingle Bell Rock” in the musical, which is not on the cast recording. It appeared at the last minute last year but seemed so squeezed into the playlist. This year I need filler songs and it feels more at ease and at home this year, deserving the added focus. It also contains the best line of any modern carol in years: “And Santa shouts,’Hey, Mrs. Claus, you rock the pole, and I’ll make it rain, dear!”. #MakingFetchHappen
17) SUGAR AND BOOZE (Ana Gasteyer)—Another comic ditty from Gasteyer, her titular salute to the best parts of grown-up Christmas
18) I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (John Barrowman)—The Dr. Who alum has a legitimate voice. His last-minute drop provided some nice options, and he’s best on the standards like this.
19) HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING / O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL (Blackmore’s Night)—Originally selected in 2017 for their radio-ready “Christmas Eve”, the Irish group supply a hymn mash-up to add what the list is missing
20) O HOLY NIGHT (Lea Michele)—Michele already hit the list with an arrangement of this ultimate hymn ten years ago on a Glee compilation. But her voice and control has grown even more impressive since then.
21) THE CHRISTMAS SONG (Linda Ronstadt & the Nelson Riddle Orchestra)— After viewing the legacy of the once-in-a-lifetime Rondstadt in the beautiful and informative documentary of her life, The Sound of My Voice, I went back to her 2006 collaborative album for a song I usually don’t care for. That’s how amazing she is that she can sing the phonebook and earn the closing spot.
(All selections available for preview or purchase at Amazon.com and iTunes, and available through Spotify)
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